Kung-Fu Panda vs. Reality...

...and the hard, plastic reality won.

Every week I go to my self-defense class. At first, I was mostly excited by the fact that I got to wear the outfit, which made me feel very Asian and very combatively talented. But, by the time I figured out that the outfits are heavy and sweaty, and that they don't add coordination, I was excited about the real thing. And every week I have a blast! But last week, it came to a contest between my martial arts fantasies and my cursed mortal frailties.

The class is way fun because we practice all these moves that make me feel like challenging someone to a fight. And, it's never awkward because I'm taking it with my gf Kim (holla girl!). So I feel bad for all the others girls because they have to say all hesistantly, "Stop... stay back..." because it's weird to yell that at other girls you don't know. But me and Kim's relationship is stable enough that I don't feel bad when I yell, "Get back, freak!" when she comes after me.

So anyway, last week, our teacher brought out these big pads while we were practicing something else. And because I was wearing the outfit, and I was with Kim, I felt, I would say, filled with a little reckless confidence. It's hard to resist when you've got the whole deal on and you see a big black pad that's just begging to be round-housed! So Kim says, "Let's go kick that thing!" and she goes running off and slams it! And so of course I need to try it too, so I go running, jump in the air (for the Panda-esque flourish) and give it everything I've got. I mean, I really kicked it, hard. And then I crumpled to the ground, because I had kicked the plastic pole with all of my kung-fu strength! I thought my foot was broken! So I laid there in a humiliated heap and tried not to cry, because that would have ruined any remaining toughness I might have had.

The rest of the period involved me kicking the actual padded part with less than my full measure of force, because upon examination I realized that I had actually broken the skin on the top of my foot. Painful! And so embarrassing. This is what it looked like an hour after the display of ill-gotten confidence:

And this it what it looks like now, three days afterward. The flash on my camera seems to wash out the bruising, but you get the idea.